If this is any consolation, that point of desperation is the place where God wants us to come to, in order that we have no other hope but Him. If we truly belong to Him, we will turn and see the damage we've caused by trying to "fix it" on our own; and more often than not, we are driven to our knees, knowing our lives could have been so much better had we never strayed. But would they?
Luke 7:44 tells the story of the sinful woman when Jesus visited the home of a Pharisee. He says to him, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put the oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven - for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."
So this convinces me that the ones who are most-resistant to being saved are the ones that God shows the most mercy to. Hallelujah! That probably sounds like real GOOD NEWS to some of us. But that doesn't mean that we get "off the hook" just like that. If you're truly repentant - meaning you're transformed into a new being with a new life - then the real work begins. When we are finally struck by lightning and awakened from our deadness, we have the hardest time forgiving ourselves. As our hearts are regenerated, the crusty outer coating begins to soften and slough off, like a peach pit turning into a stewed prune. This is when our examination of conscience reveals to us our former life as a persecutor; and we become all mushy and sticky and vulnerable and wimpy.
Until I became a person of faith I never realized how much I persecuted people of faith. Did I do that out of pure hatred? or was I afraid of their judgment? I think I was living in denial of what a sinner I really was and didn't want to hear their "Bible Thumping." Little did I know how much persecution a Christian has to endure. We get it from both ends of the spectrum: the unrepentant fools who seem to get all the blessings in life; AND the haughty self-inflated pontificates who have a lot of head knowledge about scripture, but know nothing about true repentence. Then there are the people who call themselves Christians and give all of us a bad name (I can sometimes fit into this category - but my eyes are wide open and I know how despicable I can be). A friend of mine put it to me this way: "Just because you go into a garage, it doesn't make you a car. Likewise, just because a person goes to church, that doesn't necessarily make them a Christian."
Believe me, it's not the life I would have chosen for myself; but God chose it for me. and now that I'm "in it" I'm grateful that He sent the hounds of heaven to seek me out. If I were God, I think I'd have a hard time forgiving someone as wretched as me. And thankfully, there are little blurbs throughout Scripture that remind us of the hope that is given us as we struggle on through this world.
This is the one I was presented with this morning: "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the Name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. (1 Peter 4:12-14) AMEN!
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